i am a ungrateful child

i really want a camera

like a proper one.

i am stuck with my crappy iphone, god knows what pixelated piece of glass

yes this is a first world problem rant.

i feel very ungrateful but this still does not make me want a DSLR any less.

which is pretty ambitious as I haven't even owned a point and shoot.



ahhhhh.... longingss..

this song will save your life

really. I could write this whole blog post thing solely through quotes from THIS SONG WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE by Leila Sales. 

this book did not make me cry and it did have a somewhat (now) stereotypical 'drawn to suicide' main character. but, and this is a huge but-- this novel is not about suicide. like all my other favourite books, this wonderful wonderful book is about life. it is the story of Elise. Elise has a life of a thousands teenagers today. the whole novel is so wonderfully awkward and so real. Many quotes i loved and related to (extracted from goodreads) are pasted down below.

"Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don't know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right. But the truth is, that isn't you. That isn't you at all.”

“I had this feeling suddenly. I get this feeling a lot, but I don’t know if there’s one word for it. It’s not nervous or sad or even lonely. It’s all of that, and then a bit more. The feeling is I don’t belong here. I don’t know how I got here, and I don’t know how long I can stay before everyone else realizes that I am an impostor. I am a fraud. I’ve gotten this feeling nearly everywhere I have ever been in my life. There’s nothing you can do about it except drink some water and hope that it subsides. Or you can leave.” 

“I didn’t know. I feel sometimes like…there are all these rules. Just to be a person. You know? You’re supposed to carry a shoulder bag, not a backpack. You’re supposed to wear headbands, or you’re not supposed to wear headbands. It’s okay to describe yourself as likeable, but it’s not okay to describe yourself as eloquent. You can sit in the front of the school bus, but you can’t sit in the middle. You’re not supposed to be with a boy, even when he wants you to. I didn’t know that. There are so many rules, and they don’t make any sense, and I just can’t learn them all” 

“Tonight the Internet seemed filled with versions of me, like a fun house filled with mirrors. Some of them made me look prettier, and some of them made me look uglier, and some of them chopped me right in half, but none of them were right.” 

“Throughout it all, you are still, always, you: beautiful and bruised, known and unknowable.” 

and i now quote, “That's the problem with life. You never get enough time to stare at your ceiling and try to figure out what's going on.”